


forget me not

by rysanthel



Category: VIXX
Genre: Gen, How Do I Tag, I don't know how to tag this, Timeline What Timeline, but also luck, either way it's confusing, is this angsty fluff, luckbin it is, messy timeline again btw, more like bullshit, not actually romance, or fluffy angst, taekbin oops, this is hyukbin, with a bit of leobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-21 17:23:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14919666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rysanthel/pseuds/rysanthel
Summary: Taekwoon liveswiththe past, but Sanghyuk livesinit.





	forget me not

**Author's Note:**

> hellu ฅ'ω'ฅ
> 
> this. is another stuff that i came up with when I couldn't sleep lol. my plan was to make this a drabble, but somehow it turned out way longer than i expected aaaaa  
> failed angst. failed fluff. failed grammar and messy timeline as well. not something I'm proud of but aaaaa I just have to do something before I go crazy ;;;
> 
> anyway, welcome and I hope you enjoy ♡ although I have like zero expectation
> 
> R xx

_"What are those flowers called?"_  

 

✿✿✿

 

Sanghyuk remembers how it used to be awfully pink and light purple by that window.

It's actually forbidden to modify anything in the building, but Hongbin somehow got the permission from the owner to place a long narrow gardening box on his window.

It was Taekwoon's idea at first.

"Just buy a pot and plant some green shit before you drag us all along with you into insanity," he blurted out because Hongbin wouldn't stop complaining to anyone who wanted to know about the depressing, damp, plain apartment of his. But the idea instantly grew in him, and the next thing Sanghyuk knew Taekwoon was forced to (buy and) install the mini window garden.

Hongbin decided to plant cherry tomatoes as a start.

"You can't," Sanghyuk told him. "Your window faces north. There's not enough sunlight for that."

Hongbin didn't listen, of course—and when the sprout died, that idiot pretended as if Sanghyuk never said anything.

The enthusiasm of the window garden idea seemed to die along with the tomato sprout, but it was temporary. Around two weeks later, Hongbin announced in an amused tone, "I finally got some colors in my garden."

It was last year. The hydrangeas laboriously bloomed through the rainy August before they succumbed to the extreme coldness of the winter. Spring has come back, but now there's only an empty box to see.

 

***

 

When Sanghyuk swings the door open, Choco barks his "welcome home" as a greeting, jumping up on Sanghyuk's legs in hope to get petted, tongue out and tail wagging. Sanghyuk kneels down; the corners of his lips form a weak smile. "Hello, big boy," he mumbles. Choco leaps onto him way too excitedly, almost knocking him off. Sanghyuk smells like sweat and cigarettes, but Choco doesn't seem bothered, or maybe that's just how Sanghyuk always smells like.

"How was your day?" Sanghyuk asks, softly scratching Choco's neck. Choco barks as an answer. The poor dog must be lonely trapped in the apartment alone all day long. Sanghyuk makes a mental note to walk Choco this Sunday morning, knowing that he'll forget the plan. Or he'll just blame Hongbin for not taking care of Choco; it's his dog after all.

He glances at Choco's water bowl and food bowl in the corner. They're both empty, but there's a new bag of dog food that Sanghyuk doesn't remember buying. "Taekwoon hyung bought you food again, huh?"

Sanghyuk plops down on the couch after he gives Choco his late food and refills his water. He checks the time before he throws his phone to the coffee table. It's already half past midnight. Exhausted and hungry, he's torn between closing his eyes for a moment or cooking ramyeon for dinner. Food sounds really tempting, but he doesn't think he can finish the meal without falling asleep.

The sound of Choco munching his food reminds Sanghyuk that maybe he has to call Taekwoon. He reluctantly takes his phone, dialing Taekwoon's contact number. He only waits until the third ring-back tone before he hangs up.

Unlike Hongbin, Sanghyuk finds It's hard talking to Taekwoon. He doesn't know what to say, and the older man doesn't try to appear approachable either. The absence of Hongbin forces them to talk to each other, but they both seem to agree to keep the conversation as short as possible.

So, instead of a call, Sanghyuk sends him a short text; without a _hello_ , without a _how are you_ , just— _Choco said thanks for the food._

 

***

 

"These pastel colored pompoms look like something a random granny will have in her garden," Sanghyuk scoffed, eyeing the purple and pinkish flowers with a look that was akin to disgust. "Now you just need a pink flowery apron and start baking cookies."

They were standing in front of the opened window. Their shoulder touched because the frame was too small to fit two persons leaning in, but neither of them moved away.

"These are called hydrangeas," Hongbin corrected him, ignoring the last sentence. "And Taekwoonie hyung did pick them from his grandma's house." His face beamed with delight as he stared at his mini garden. "Well, from her shop, actually. His grandma is a florist."

Sanghyuk rolled his eyes. "Well, damn. I didn't know that I have to care." His voice was thick with mockery, but Hongbin just laughed it off.

Silence fell between them, filled with the distant car hums and the sound of pouring water; Hongbin even got himself a pastel blue watering can that made Sanghyuk wished he could go blind—except he didn't want to, because the sky was clear that day and Hongbin's face lit under the shade. Sanghyuk took everything about this man beside him, the pair of round eyes, cheekbones, high nose bridge, full lips. The little boy Sanghyuk met in his childhood had grown up, and he wondered if he looked as mature to Hongbin as Hongbin did to him.

It wasn't until Hongbin elbowed him in the ribs that Sanghyuk realized he was saying something. "What?" Sanghyuk asked, slightly embarrassed.

"I asked if you know what hydrangea symbolizes."

"No offense but, who the hell cares. Jung Taekwoon, probably," he added in bitter tone.

Hongbin snorted. "He's a nice person once you get to know him."

"I know him enough to know that he's fucking annoying when he's hungry."

Hongbin laughed, a dimple appearing on each cheek. "Well, whatever. So, hydrangea symbolizes a deep understanding between people—couples, friends, family members." He paused, putting down his watering can, eyes wandering into the space. "Did you miss them? Your family."

"No. Not really." A pause. "Did you miss yours?"

Hongbin took a breath as if he was thinking. "I don't know. Maybe."

 

***

 

There's only one picture in that apartment. It's a photo of Taekwoon and Sanghyuk in blue aprons with a huge bear printed on them. They didn't bother to force a smile for the camera. Sanghyuk remembers that day. The three of them were making cookies (because Hongbin was a brat and he took Sanghyuk's sarcasm seriously). He also remembers Hongbin commented, "You two look like real brothers."

Taekwoon only rolled his eyes at his words, but Sanghyuk muttered under his breath, "One day I'm so gonna kill Lee Hongbin."

That day, Sanghyuk recalls, was supposed to be bad, because Sanghyuk didn't like spending time with Taekwoon, didn't like being too close with him, and definitely didn't enjoy wearing a cute apron around, but it was hard to keep the bad atmosphere when the cookies were good (it really is that easy to win Sanghyuk's heart).

"I'm thinking to adopt a pet," Hongbin began.

"You can barely take care of yourself," Taekwoon stated. "You'll end up killing the poor animal."

"I've been taking care of him practically all my life," Hongbin nudged his shoulder to Sanghyuk's direction, "and he—"

"Excuse me?" Sanghyuk interrupted, mouth full of cookies. "Did you really just compare—"

Hongbin cut him off, "I should get a puppy. Cat is too lazy, and I think fish or turtle will be boring." He turned his head to Taekwoon and asked, "What do you think, hyung?"

Taekwoon let out an exaggerated sigh, as if he was holding the weight of the world on his shoulder. "I think that's a horrible idea."

Hongbin clicked his tongue. "I hate you."

"No, you don't."

Sanghyuk was sure that wouldn't be the end of the talk, just like how it was with the garden. Hongbin would bring it up again and again until they gave up.

Apparently Taekwoon thought the same, because the next day he brought Hongbin a small brown puppy. At the first look, Sanghyuk knew that little monster was the worst thing ever. He bit people, pissed on the couch, barked to everyone and everything he saw—but Hongbin fell in love. He named him Choco.

Strangely, Choco only listened to Sanghyuk, which made Hongbin really annoyed sometimes.

 

***

 

Hongbin jangled a key on star shaped key ring and dropped it in front of Sanghyuk's nose, successfully distracting his attention from the phone screen. Sanghyuk missed a touch and his character in the game he was playing hit a truck.

"Goddamn," Sanghyuk hissed, irritated. "Lee Hongbin, I'm already—what's this?"

"A duplicate key to this apartment," Hongbin told him. "Keep it."

Sanghyuk, was completely over the game in two seconds, blinked. "For what?"

Hongbin shrugged. "So you can come and go as you please."

Sanghyuk squinted at the metal key ring. The star was bright in yellow color, giving off a childish vibe. It wasn't something new coming from a man who had a window garden, but Sanghyuk figured it would be better for him to shut up. Hongbin could actually throw him off that window if he wanted. "Did you get permission from the owner?" he asked.

"Uh... no. But I know you're trustworthy."

Sanghyuk turned his head, examining Hongbin's expression suspiciously. "Did Taekwoon get one too?"

Hongbin nodded.

Sanghyuk threw the key to Hongbin's lap. "I don't want it then."

Hongbin looked surprised. "Why?"

"I don't want to accidentally find you two doing "the do" here." Sanghyuk made an exaggerated gesture in the air with his hands. "I have a sensitive mind."

Hongbin tsked. "Don't be weird," he replied, throwing back the key to Sanghyuk. "Seriously, he's not that bad."

"Listen," Sanghyuk objected. "The possibility of me getting along with him is as high as you turning into a rubber duck that can sing."

Hongbin snorted. "Give him a chance. He can be—"

"—my brother," Sanghyuk continued him in a bored tone. "Whatever. I don't need one."

"Even better," Hongbin corrected. "He can be a family."

How ridiculous, Sanghyuk thought, because he didn't understand the concept of a family.

He kept the key, anyway.

 

***

 

There Taekwoon is, sitting in the corner alone, his head resting on his folded arms on the tab. The small pub is almost empty; there's just a girl there besides him. She was the one who called Sanghyuk with Taekwoon's phone earlier, asking him to fetch the man because it was almost closing time.

Sanghyuk mutters swear words under his breath as he drags his feet forward. He calls Taekwoon's name, but the latter seems to be in deep sleep. He shakes Taekwoon's shoulder almost too hard to wake him up.

"Uh." Taekwoon raises his head. "I'm awake, I'm sorry..."

His breathe smells like alcohol and Sanghyuk has to hold the urge to puke. "Get up, I'll call a taxi."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Taekwoon rubs his drowsy eyes. "Oh. Sanghyuk. I'm sorry. It's okay, I can do it myself."

Sanghyuk opens his mouth, but Taekwoon's already standing up. He's not too drunk to walk, which means maybe it's safe for Sanghyuk to leave—but his feet follows Taekwoon out involuntary.

There aren't many cars on the road; the weather is cold, and the sky's empty without moon and stars. They awkwardly stand by the roadside, both waiting for a reason to part ways. There's a saying that goes, three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything—but here they are now, a reunion after long months of avoiding each other.

"Didn't Hongbin tell you to quit smoking?" Taekwoon breaks the silence when he sees a cigarette between Sanghyuk's lips.

Sanghyuk doesn't answer. He ignites his lighter, but it only hisses without flame. Sanghyuk throws his cigarette to the ground and crushes it with his foot. They let the silence fall again; it's easier to forget each other's presence that way.

A minute—maybe longer—passes when Taekwoon takes his phone out. Something clicks in Sanghyuk's mind, and he knows whom Taekwoon wants to call even before Taekwoon gets to unlock his phone. "He's not going to pick up."

Taekwoon's hand pauses, but only for a brief moment.

"He won't answer," Sanghyuk voice gets stern. "Hongbin's not here anymore, hyung."

Taekwoon brings his phone to his ear, and Sanghyuk feels his blood boil. It's almost 3 in the morning, his head hurts so bad and he's too tired to deal with this. He snatches Taekwoon's phone. "Come back to your fucking senses!" he shouts at the top of his lungs. "Stop calling him! Hongbin's gone! He's fucking _gone_ and he's not coming back!"

Taekwoon's stare is unreadable. "Then why do you still live in his place?" His voice is calm, but there's a quiver in there that doesn't belong to his steadiness.

The question catches Sanghyuk off guard. He swallows hard. "Someone has to take care of Choco," he answers defensively.

Taekwoon forces a laugh. "You don't care about that dog," he replies. "You're just waiting for him. You're staying so when he comes home—" His words get cut by a hiccup. It's hard to see under the dim light, but Taekwoon's eyes look red. "He's not coming back, is he?" he asks very quietly.

Sanghyuk turns around on his heels and leaves. Between his fast, heavy steps, an answer escapes from his mouth with a cough, "No, he's not coming back."

 

***

 

For the first time, Sanghyuk takes a look at Hongbin's belongings.

Sanghyuk has been living in his apartment for a few months, but he doesn't touch anything that belongs to Hongbin—his clothes, his bed, his spoon and chopsticks, his books, his phone. He leaves them as is—as if he believes that Hongbin will come back anytime to take care of them himself.

The bed is made; Hongbin never leaves it messy. His clothes are washed and folded neatly in the drawer. His books are all arranged by height ("What a freak," Sanghyuk mumbles). His phone died, though, but Sanghyuk finds the charger in no time. A place for everything, everything in its place.

Sanghyuk's pretty sure this counts as privacy invasion, and what's in it for him? Whatever Taekwoon does or does not has nothing to do with him. But his fingers already move by their own will, and the next second, Sanghyuk finds himself listening to voice mails Taekwoon keeps on sending even after Hongbin's gone.

_"Sorry for calling this late at night. I'm really tired, but I can't fall asleep... I remember you said reading a book helps, but I left all my books at your apartment. Oh, I heard warm milk can do. Maybe I should get some now. Sleep well, Hongbin. See you tomorrow?"_

Sanghyuk grazes the book covers with his eyes. He remembers how Hongbin stayed up almost every night to read books that he started to think the books kept him awake instead of helping him to sleep.

_"You know what, I think you're right. It's too lonely to come home to no one. I'm thinking to get a pet as well. Should I get a puppy too, or a cat? Hmm, maybe a puppy, so Choco will have a friend. I really want a cat, though. What do you think? Call me back."_

Hongbin doesn't call back, obviously. He will never.

Sanghyuk's slightly surprised when he hears his name mentioned in the next voice mail, _"I'm on the way to the grocery store. Does Sanghyuk still eat ramyun late at night? He's living a really unhealthy life. Must be getting it from you, huh?"_ A soft chuckle. _"I'll bring him some food tomorrow. What does he like? Text me later."_

There are lots of similar voice mails telling Hongbin about his days; " _That bus driver jerk who annoyed you that time was surprisingly nice today"_ , " _It was raining hard, but I got to see a rainbow after",_ _"I just broke my toenail by accident, it's... bleeding"_ ; and asking Hongbin to respond to him; " _I'll call you tonight", "Can you talk now?", "Tell me about your day"._

And there's one voice mail that must be sent when Taekwoon was drunk another time. It was really short; only a soft sob followed with— _"I really miss you, Hongbin."_

 

***

 

Sanghyuk is welcomed home that day by a surprised look on Taekwoon's face, who's standing by the window. Sanghyuk's a bit startled, yet Taekwoon looks like he's just caught red handed committing a crime.

Choco barks excitedly at Taekwoon, pulling on his leash that Sanghyuk's still holding.

"Why are you here?" Sanghyuk asks, the same time Taekwoon asks, "Why are you already home?"

"I'm kind of feeling sick, so I took a day off," Sanghyuk decides to answer first. "I just walked Choc—fuck!" He loosens his grip because Choco starts biting his sweatpants impatiently. The dog now runs around the room, still on his leash, barking so loud for the people of Australia to hear.

"I just came to plant these." Taekwoon points at the window box which is now filled with green and blue. "Hongbin once—" He flinches, as if the words hurt. "I thought it would look nice here. It's been empty for too long."

It's kind of like a deja vu—Taekwoon's presence, his dirty hands, the sight of the mini garden. It gives Sanghyuk mixed feelings, but he just nods.

They stay still in awkwardness, both unsure what to do next. Taekwoon clearly has to wash his hands, and Sanghyuk still has to unleash Choco.

They don't have a plan to meet after the last time; not this fast.

"Did you have lunch?" Suddenly Taekwoon asks. "I can make us something."

"Uh." Sanghyuk blinks. "Sure."

Taekwoon goes to cook lunch for the two of them while Sanghyuk plays with Choco. Neither of them want to start a conversation. They sit face to face and eat in silence too.

It still stings—Hongbin's absence.

"I think you should get a puppy," Sanghyuk says. Taekwoon raises an eyebrow to him. "Choco needs a friend. You can walk them every Sunday."

"Why don't you do it?" Taekwoon asks.

Sanghyuk rolls his eyes. "Because I'm a lazy fuck."

Taekwoon snorts, but there's a subtle smile on his face.

It stings—like a burn without wound.

"I'll call you in a few days to check how you're doing."

"You don't have to."

"Okay," Taekwoon replies. "I'll probably forget to do it anyway."

Sanghyuk chuckles. A sincere one, for once.

Taekwoon bids a plain goodbye and puts on his coat. His hand almost reaches the doorknob when he hears Sanghyuk calls him softly, "Taekwoon hyung." He turns his head around, throwing him a questioning look.

Sanghyuk actually doesn't know why he calls him. It kind of slipped from his lips. Impulsive. A reflex. He looks away to avoid Taekwoon's stare, and his eyes lands on the window, on the tiny soft blue flowers. They look fragile; he wonders if they'll live long enough to survive winter. "What are those flowers called?" he asks.

Taekwoon glances at the window. He pauses for a second before answering, "Forget-me-not."

It stings—but maybe Sanghyuk isn't grieving alone.

 

✿✿✿

**Author's Note:**

> [forget me not](https://gardenerdy.com/what-do-forget-me-not-flowers-symbolize.amp) (n)  
>  it symbolizes true love, remembrance during partings or after death, a connection that lasts through time
> 
> (yes, i read about shit like this at night lol
> 
> p.s : i dare to think of making this a series to include hongbin and taekwoon's story, please murder me xoxo)


End file.
